Unimportant

Self-loving……. Self-respecting……..Confident…… Important

I don’t know about you, but when I see these words I am utterly uncomfortable. Not one of these words pops into my brain when I describe myself. “Well, I guess I’m an ok person.” It would be hypocritical of me to tell you all that I have it all together when it comes to who I am as a person. Honestly a lot of the time I don’t just love me. The truth is………. (dun, dun, duh) I don’t a lot of the time. The word that comes to mind as my feelings as of this very moment is more so something like: unimportant. Quite the opposite of our little word bank. Doesn’t that word just sting? Unimportant. One thought of that word and you’re fired up and want to cry all at the same time. It’s not fair. Why me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I really unimportant?

Ladies and gents, if you have ever felt this way then you are not alone here! Unimportantness, yes I know it’s not really a word, is just a symptom of our bigger issue; sin. When sin entered the world so did such characteristics as pride, greed, laziness, and, you know, unimpotantness. When we let sin have a peek into our hearts it throws everything out of whack. We feel worthless because that’s exactly what sin wants us to believe. The issue is not a matter of whether or not you matter; it’s a matter of where you’re focus lies. When my heart is chasing after something worldly, maybe good, but still worldly, I look for my self-worth in that thing. I find my importance in whatever has my heart. We are all that way. Maybe you are struggling as well. Maybe you find your worth in how you dress, or different relationships, or in your abilities, or in your status to the world around you. It could be a number of things. But sadly nothing will ever make us feel valued. Everything will fall short in bringing us joy and satisfaction.

But there is One who calls you loved, chosen, special, and so very important. There is One who will never leave you feeling worthless. His Name is Jesus and He loves you just as you are and He always will. He values each of us so much that He bled and died on a tree and conquered hell to save us from our sin and to have a relationship with you and me. He is the definition of true joy and love. Nothing can take you from Him and nothing can make Him love you less.

So….. what it boils down to is this: when we do not put Him first and let something or someone else have that front row seat we will feel unimportant. Real confidence is found in Jesus and what He is in us.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.” Psalm 139:13-15

You are important.

-Heather Grace

What A Friend!

  Friend. When hearing this word, it's easy to overlook its true meaning. "Well, sure, I've got plenty of friends," you may reason. "Some are better than others. But why is it important? And 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'? What is that supposed to mean?" Maybe you think the word is demeaning, and the phrase "What a Friend..." puts Jesus in a box. "But He's so much more than a friend!" you protest. And you're right. But maybe the problem here isn't the value of the word "friend." Maybe it's our perception of that value.
                 
                                ...

 Last night, I was lying in bed, and--if you're anything like me you'll understand this--my body was ready to go to sleep, but my brain wasn't. So I started thinking about the lesson from my Acteens class in Sunday night church. Now if you don't know what Acteens is,  it's a girls Bible study class for 7th through 12th grade, and it's a really great opportunity for the girls of my youth group to gather together in God's Word. (And I may or may not be getting paid to say this!) Anyway, last night, we started a new summer Bible study about Jesus and His love for others. The passage we were studying was Matthew 22:36-40, which says, "'Teacher, what is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'"

  I know you may be reading this right now and thinking, "Ok so we need to love God and be a friend to others. But what does this have to do with God being a friend to us?" Well, one great thing about the Bible is that everything fits together perfectly and precisely. So why is Jesus our friend? Because being a friend is an act of love and, as 1 John 4:19 says, "We love because He first loved us." A friend in its truest form is someone who selflessly puts the interests of another before their own. And what better way is there to show friendship than by sacrificing life itself to do what is best for others. Surely, the fact that Jesus really is a faithful companion is proven even more in John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." That right there shows us beyond any doubt that we are all personal friends of the Creator of the Universe! How amazing and wonderful is our God, that He would know and love the humblest of souls who call on His name! God knows that we will never fully grasp everything He is, so He gives us a name for His mercy that everyone can understand. We all possess an innate desire to feel special and loved, to know that we mean something, and our God is the supplier of all needs. To put it in simplest terms, we want a friend, and that's exactly who He is. What a God! What a Savior! What a friend!

  

The Farmer and the Soil

     Failed plans, fears, frustrations. Sometimes I work and I work, and it seems that nothing is going my way. So I work a little harder, and success finally shows itself. I am fulfilled; everything is finally happening the way I've envisioned it and my own selfish sense of justice seems to prevail. But the joy is only temporary; the next obstacle comes and the thrill of approval goes away as quickly as it came.   Before I even realize what's happening,  I'm right back where I've started. Though it rarely fully shows itself, and there are only small hints of a change here and there, I've stopped. My heart is bitter, my mind is listless and distracted, and the fire inside me is quenched out. To the outside world, I am the same happy, confident person I've always been, but even though I can forget my frustrations for a while, they are always under the surface, waiting to catch me in my weakness. The change is gradual, but more and more, I find myself giving up the fight and saying, "What's the point?"

  There's a parable in the Bible about sowing seeds. In this story Jesus told about his impact on our lives by putting it into terms the people around him would understand. He told of a farmer who scatters seeds. Some fall to the road side and are choked out by weeds and trampled by the feet of those who travel there; they never grow and are essentially a waste. Others land in rocky soil; it looks like a good situation from the outside, and the plants quickly start to grow. But because of the rocks underneath, the roots are weak and the harvest is scarce. The rest of the seeds are planted in good rich soil, soft to the touch and healthy throughout. The soil has been prepared in advance and will bear the fruit of the farmer's labor. Now anyone who has heard this story before knows that the farmer is Jesus and the seeds are the Word of God. Jesus made himself very clear, even taking the time to explain the story again to the disciples so that all would understand the point he was trying to make. We also know that the different types of soil represent the hearers of the Word. Now I don't know about you, but every time I've heard this story, I've just assumed that I was the good soil. I've been saved for most of my life, and I've never really doubted God's existence or turned from the faith. But personal experience has lately been teaching me that all is not what is seems.

  If you are already saved, take a moment to think about the way you live each day, and how that affects your Christian walk. And don't just recall the "big sins" you're not committing. Remember every negative thought, every spiteful action, that you've committed in just the last week or so. Feeling guilty, am I right? Well, don't worry, I am too. I hate to admit it, but recently I've fallen victim to the old "what's-the-point" attitude. Certain things that I was expecting haven't really worked out in my favor lately, and from my one-dimensional point of view, my plans for the future have started to unravel just a little more than I'd been expecting at this point in my life. And even though blessings have been falling in my lap since the moment that "my plans" fell apart, I have completely ignored them and focused only on the fact that I'm having to make changes. On the surface, I've kept it together pretty well, and there is evidence of growth in my life. But underneath the soil I've moved around God's seeds and planted a few of my own. I've begrudgingly tossed in a few seeds of bitterness, disappointment, and self-entitlement, thinking I could keep them buried in my heart and let them fester a little while without really taking root. But of course, you can't plant a seed without expecting it to grow, and I've seen the seeds start to manifest themselves into some pretty ugly weeds.      Instead of the world's influence, I've been subjected to my own bad attitude, and I've found that it can  be just as bad as if someone else were trampling and throwing rocks at my good plants. And if I don't do the necessary weeding and pruning of myself by reading God's Word, then soon my garden is going to look just like all the other ones that don't have God's touch of life in them. If you're reading this and you see yourself, remember that every plot of land left to its own devices will grow wild with no one to keep it in check. The condition of your soil is the condition of your soul, and that's why you have to depend on the Farmer to pull out your  weeds and support your wilted plants. By taking instruction from God and working to better our own lives, we will become stronger and healthier in the process. Because just like no one knows more about the land than the farmer who tends it, no one knows more about us than the Father who created us.

 

Honesty Time

Honesty time ....... sometimes I feel like I'm an awful Christian. I want to be on fire for Jesus but all that seems to be there is a burnt out match. I want to give my all so why don't I? What is wrong with me? Why am I so tired? Why can't I just see the big picture? Why do stupid things crush me?

Ah the many questions I ask myself on a weekly basis.

Romans 7:15-20 says, " I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do - this I keep doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

Sin. We all have that frenemy. It tears away our desire of righteousness, it closes our ears to God's voice, and it makes big important things, in the moment, not so big a deal. I hate it, but many times I put off reading the Bible because of sinful nature.  I'll say, " I'll do it tonight, I'll get around to it." For those of you who do not know me, I am NOT a night owl so when that time comes I am way too exhausted to really understand what I'm reading. So I'll put it off again and again and just like that a weeks gone by and I haven't opened my survival guide to life once. How do I make it through the week? Thank goodness for Jesus :) I fail Him daily, no more like hourly, yet He still gives me free and unmerited favor. I am a hot mess most of the time just trying to make it and He still loves me.

 Now I'm not saying to heck with reading the Bible and trying to be a good Christian. ( Go crazzzzzzy ;) ) I'm saying that even though failure isn't inescapable, God's grace and love and a chance to start over is always available. Don't give up on a righteous life! Let your failures and mishaps redefine the way you see God's grace. Look at us then look at Him. A beautiful picture of perfect love covering brokenness. Yes, I am not a perfect Christian, but I'm loved by a perfect Savior.

- Heather Grace

Working to Worship

    I have a confession to make: I'm not always in the best mood on Sunday mornings. If you saw me at church, you'd never guess it. I'm always smiling and singing, and smiling and talking, and smiling and hugging everybody in sight. If you just walked up on the scene, you'd think, "That girl looks like she's never been in a bad mood in her life!" And yes, as someone who feeds off of the energy of music and talking and being around other people, I'll admit that I really am as happy and excited as I look when 10:00 rolls around and the sanctuary starts filling up. But if you want to see what I mean when I'm talking about being in a bad mood, just flash back to 5 hours earlier....

  It's 5 a.m., and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. My sister, ever the annoying morning person, just woke me up, and even though I'm still under the covers praying that it was just a dream and that I can sleep for another hour, I know I need to start getting ready so I can make it to church by 7:00 for band practice. I sit up, stifling a groan as my feet hit the floor, and it doesn't take long before I come to a dreadful realization: it's cold outside today. And if there's one thing I hate, it's being cold. I shuffle into the bathroom like a zombie, fighting the urge to crawl back into bed and  hide. Then I put in my contacts, hoping that being able to see will make me feel a little more alive. It doesn't. I go upstairs to eat breakfast but it's too early to eat. I try to get ready but the tile floor in the bathroom is too cold on my bare feet and it's... you guessed it, TOO EARLY. (Can you tell I'm not a morning person?) So here I am just barely making it out the door on time, communicating in unintelligible grunts like some kind of irritable cave man and showing my family the not-so-fun side of me. But somehow on the 10-minute ride to church, I start to perk up a little, and after a few minutes of playing music and laughing with everyone at band practice, I'm back to my old self.

  Now you may be thinking that the moral of the story is that even though I'm always tired and ready to get back in bed on Sunday mornings, I still go to church and for that I'm rewarded with feelings of joy. But although that may be true, I want to take it a step further. Yesterday a very talented man at my church named Brother Darryl Hamaker filled in for our pastor because he wasn't feeling well. Brother Darryl did a great job as he always does, but there was one thing he said that really stuck out to me. He said, "Worship on Sunday mornings should start long before you walk into these doors." Then he went on to say that our attitude all day long, even outside of church, is a big part of our worship. In that moment, I felt God telling me that my attitude when I wake up on Sunday mornings isn't exactly the most worshipful. Instead of welcoming the day with a smile and knowing that I'm about to feel the warmth and love of both my God and my church family, I usually spend the morning pouting and grumbling about feeling cold and tired and just plain miserable. Now I'm not saying that since I've come to this conclusion I'm going to wake up every morning running around, cleaning up the house and dancing and singing like some kind of Jesus-happy Snow White (although I'm sure my mom would definitely appreciate that!). I'm probably never going to be a morning person, and I know that God is ok with that. But that doesn't mean that I can't try a little harder to put some worship into my least favorite part of the day. Colossians 3:23 says, "And whatever you do, work heartily, as if doing it for the the Lord and not for men." Even though I'm not always very happy about waking up on Sunday mornings, I know that I'm "doing it for the Lord," and I need to "work heartily" to be in a better mood while I'm doing it. Because of every action or thought, no matter how big or small, is an act of worship. And even though I will never be a perfect worshipper, I want to be known as someone who, in every situation, gives glory to my Jesus with my whole heart.

A New Year's to remember.......

Well 2016 did not start the way we expected it would......... We rang in the new year with anxiousness, tears, and unexpected news. I have felt more emotions in one day than I have in a week. From tears of sadness to tears of thankfulness, 2016 has already made an impact on me. Much more is in store this year and in times like this it can make you scared of what is to come.
Around 11:00 o'clock last night our New Year's Eve took a turn for the worst. The youngest member of our family fell off of a toy box and broke his arm. So there we are at midnight driving frantically to get him x-rayed. As we were waiting in Children's hospital around 1:00 this morning, I slowly took a look at myself. What else was there to do? My phone battery was dying.  I don't know what it is about late night hospital visits, but they sure do make you see things differently. I have never been one to trust in untrusting times. When the storm rages I don't face it with grace, but rather with anger and confusion. But as I sat there,  the loud silence of the waiting room stinging my ears, I felt something I don't believe I have ever felt in uncertainty............... PEACE. I felt God near me, I felt him holding my sweet, baby brother's hand as he sat amidst his pain. And in that moment I saw what He's been trying to show me all along. Jesus is the best thing that has ever happened to me and the only thing that will eternally matter. When bad times come, and they will, nothing and I mean nothing will overcome the hurt and pain better than Jesus. He is our life purpose and can never be taken away from us. He is my comforter, my security, and my friend. Life consists of more that what is seen in my eyes and I know that now. Isn't it funny that the times you see Jesus the most can be times like this? I am so thankful for all the doctors and nurses who helped my brother last night and most of all I am thankful  for the greatest physician of all, my Jesus. This is a New Year's Eve I will never forget. With the bad and the good, God has blessed us. And last night was just a reminder.

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” 

                                                                     -Isaiah 40:28-30

-Heather Grace 

Wonderfully Made

“I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

-Psalm 139:14

I’ve heard this verse my entire life. It’s like bluegrass music to me; comforting and nostalgic. If you ever got called on in Sunday school to tell a verse this was your go-to.  It was simple. People would say, “If you’re ever feeling down about yourself go to the verse about being wonderfully made.” It’s one of those “come right out and say it” types that, not only throws in a lot of truth, but words it in a way that anyone can understand. It’s uplifting, honest, and well-known, and that is why it so loved. This verse is so good, so easy, that it can sometimes begin to lose its meaning.

I’ll admit it… I’ve been having one of those moments when I don’t feel like I quite measure up. Negativity has taken its toll on me and I’ve been hearing myself say, “I’m too ‘this’ or I’m too ‘that’ for ‘this’ or ‘this’ to work out.” Not only has “what if” become a big part of my vocabulary, but my reactions have shown me how much I have been questioning myself. We all pray for confidence through Christ, but to really live that way is tough.

My mama told me that sometimes all it takes to see yourself in a different light is to look through a bigger perspective. So let’s get up on that mountain and peer down at the world. What do you see? Now really look, and let’s be rational. By this point in our conversation I am usually embarrassed and fumbling my words. The thing is a lot of the stuff I worry about is really nothing. That irritation that has been bugging me or disappointing me or making me unsure is trivial compared to life as a whole. My life should consist of so much more than my tiny bubble. I should have a heart that sees needs, not wants. Truthfully, the secret to seeing yourself as fearfully and wonderfully made is not necessarily seeing yourself at all. It’s seeing God’s work in you. Look at all He has accomplished through you and all He will accomplish. You are much more than externally pretty. You are internally and eternally beautiful in the eyes of your Creator and all who see Him in you. And if you’re willing, He has so much planned for you. Don’t let the world and its distractions get in your way.

We all want to feel like we are pretty, and that’s normal, but we can’t let it consume us. So when those times of uncertainty come the best way to reassure yourself is to open up your Bible, read, and think about how much He must love you to write a book just for you. Wow, you must really be “wonderfully made” ;).

Life-Changing

       Sometimes no matter how hard you look, you still can't see the sadness in a person's eyes. You talk to them every day, learn about their hopes and dreams for the future. You know someone's favorite color, their favorite food, their birthday, and you think you know everything about them.You might even call them your best friend. But what can you really say about them? I was reminded of this last night when I was lying in bed and looking at Facebook. As I was catching up on all the latest news in social media world, I came upon a picture of a girl holding her Sweet 16 cake. She was smiling, and if I knew her I'm sure we would probably be good friends. But right as I was about to scroll down, I accidentally clicked on the tab that says "Continue Reading." And that's exactly what I did. As it turns out, this girl is currently missing from home. She has been struggling with both physical illness and depression, and she ran away to cope with her feelings. While I'm not going to share her name for privacy reasons, I will say that she is very missed by the people who love her. As I looked at her picture again, I saw something I didn't see before. I saw anguish, desperation, disappointment. I saw a young girl trying to keep it all together when everything in her wanted to fall apart. My first thought was to pray for her, but as I did I felt a sense of conviction. Without the context clues, I would have had no idea what the picture represented. I wouldn't have seen the sadness in her eyes, or felt the urgency of her loved ones to bring her home. I would have just ignored her and moved on about my business, mindlessly looking at things that would take away all my attention. All too often I do this in the real world. I only glance at people like I'm looking at pictures, and when I see a happy face I go off on my merry way, rarely stopping to wonder what's on the inside. Because of this, I miss out on God-given opportunities to impact the lives of others. I am fully capable of using the joy that God has placed in my heart to lift up someone who's feeling low. He has given me eyes to see others' needs and an ability to carry out their solutions. But instead of using my discernment to probe the full situation, I'm just barely scratching the surface.

     1 John 3:17 says, "But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?" This verse is talking about needs in a physical sense, such as food, shelter, and clothing. But the same is true when talking about spiritual needs. How are we to prove to a world of unbelievers that God's love abides in us when we don't seem to have the time to even ask them about their day? How can we expect them to want a personal relationship with Jesus when they think we don't want a personal relationship with them? We as Christians are God's representatives here on Earth. Unbelievers won't talk to a God whom they think doesn't exist, but they will talk to a person who's standing right in front of them. In the way that we talk and the way that we treat others, we are the mirror that reflects the image of Christ. And if they think we don't care about them, then they'll think God doesn't care about them. It's not always easy, but we must try to see the pain of others and to do something about it. We must ask God to show us what He wants us to see in the hearts of those around us. Those moments when we completely empathize with someone else's struggles can be earth-shattering. We feel the weight of their doubts and insecurities on our shoulders, and the aching heart that comes with earnestly praying for another person isn't fun or enjoyable. But it is life-changing in more ways than one. It changes our attitudes toward Christ as we think of the irrepressible agony He felt for us on the cross. It changes our view of ourselves as we put the needs of others at the forefront of our lives. And it changes the lives of others as we give them the saving hope of a future in Heaven. So let us work together to reflect the love and the light of Jesus. Let us show compassion, and friendship, and mercy, even when we don't understand it. Let us be life-changing.

Wanna Hear A Secret?

    Wanna hear a secret? People think I'm ALWAYS happy. If you know me, you probably think this doesn't sound much like a secret. You may even be one of the many people who have asked why I'm always smiling, why I'm always so excited about everything. Now most of the time when people ask me these questions, I just shrug and laugh, true to my "bubbly" personality. Then I explain that I'm not always happy, that sometimes I have days when I'm not happy at all, and I can tell that most of the time you don't believe me. "If you're not always happy, then why are you always in such a good mood?" you may be wondering. Or maybe, "Didn't I just see you humming and skipping down the hall?" Now normally, I can't completely explain my happiness in a way that makes sense. One side effect of this personality that God gave me is that--besides the fact that I talk  too fast for most people to comprehend--I can't always focus on expressing my deepest thoughts and feelings when I'm speaking to others. But here in this post, this outlet where I don't have to worry about getting distracted and losing my train of thought, I'm going to tell you everything I know about living with a positive mindset.


  
   Ok, so the first and most important thing to know is this: it is humanly impossible to be happy and positive at all times. That's right; no one can claim to always have everything together. As much as we hate to admit it, the sin and the stress of living in this broken world is going to get us down on a daily basis. We're going to be impatient, or irritated, or just downright angry with someone or something at least once a day, and chances are each one of us is going to be the thing that irritates someone else (just ask my twin sister how she feels about me sometimes!). That's because we humans have this instinct of self-entitlement that seems to rear its ugly head at the worst possible moments. Whether we realize it or not, deep down inside of us there's this little feeling that everyone owes us something, and when they don't deliver, we tend to think that it's all their fault. I honestly can't tell you how many times I've thought to myself, "This person ignoring me made me really mad," or, "These plans falling through has just ruined my day." Instead of trying to find the logical reason behind frustrating situations, I more often than not just decide to blame the first person or thing I can find. But I find that I am happiest when I strive to live with the attitude that no one owes me anything. That way, when someone does do something nice for me, I can be even more happy and pleasantly surprised.


   Before I go on, let me make it clear that as much as I try to convince myself not to be self-entitled, I often (as in multiple times a day) fall short of this goal. So my next tip will be something to do when you're already upset. (If you've read my last post, you know that I have experience in this field.) As a hormonal teenage girl, I have to say that if you ask me if I've cried on any given day, there's a 50/50 chance that the answer is yes. Lack of confidence, fear of the future, and just being a dramatic person in general pushes me to my breaking point more often than I'd like to admit. But I have a tried and true trick that always makes me feel better soon. It's really nothing ground-breaking, but I think it's something that a lot of us, myself included, tend to forget. If you're having a bad day, try to find a way to make someone else's day better. For instance, if you're doubting yourself, go out of your way to encourage a friend who is having similar feelings. The burst of happiness that comes with helping someone in need will at least temporarily chase your blues away.
 
   God gave us the ability to encourage each other so that we can build each other up and grow together in Him. Which brings me to my final point: the only way to find true happiness is to have the true joy found only in the love of Christ. James 1:2-3 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." This proves that when we have salvation, even the hard times in life are times of joy because God is strengthening us in our faith. And one day, He will bring us all Home to a place of eternal joy, where everyone will truly be "happy all the time." Can I get a "Hallelujah!"? We are children of the God who saves, and when we believe on Him we are secure in our future because nothing and no one can take away our joy! If you haven't already, ask Him into your heart right now, and you'll be given the priceless joy of the King of Kings. Go to Him, because the secret of everlasting joy is only His to share.

Stressing About Stress and Other Senior Situations

     Warning: If you came on this site to read about someone who has her life all together, then you've come to the wrong place. If you didn't know already, it's been about three months since I've posted, and since then, some things have changed. The end of summer has come and gone, and with it came Senior year. Now from what I've heard, Senior year is supposed to be the greatest time of your life: a chance to soak in the reality that the freedom of college is fast approaching while still having a blissful lack of adult responsibility. But with the pressure of applying for college, writing countless essays, and preparing for music auditions, the year is really taking a toll on my attitude. My confidence seems to have disappeared and I'm constantly doubting myself and everything around me. It's an endless cycle that goes like this: first I get really upset about something, then I get even more upset because I feel guilty for being upset when I don't have anything holding me back but myself, and then I feel better for a few days before it starts all over again. Anyone who knows me can testify that normally I'm in a pretty good mood, and that I try to see life in an upbeat perspective. But lately it's been tough, and for the past month or so my Senior experience has felt a lot less like High School Musical and more like one of Shakespeare's tragedies. I keep telling myself that this time will all be over soon, and that next year I'll be in college working to get a more clear direction in my life. But a year seems like a long time to stress, and I have to admit that I've had many days lately where I've struggled with buckling under the pressure. Today was one of those days. 


   It was all-in-all a pretty normal day, really even a good day, but when I least expected it those thoughts of the future resurfaced. I got upset, released ALL my frustrations (many of which didn't really even mean much to me), and let loose on my poor unsuspecting family about how "awful" I felt like life was going. I'm not going to go much into details, but the gist of it was that I can't decide what I want to major in, I don't know how I'm going to pick a career, I don't know if I'm good enough or if I'm ready for change, and I basically have know idea where my life is going. Now these seem like pretty normal things for a 17-year-old to be worried about, but in the moment (and in many moments lately) I felt like it was the end of the world. And now I'm sitting here on my bed "post-pity party" and I'm starting to clear up my thoughts. I'm realizing that everything will be ok, and that, despite what I may be thinking, I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders.  It doesn't seem like it right now (and I have no doubt the cycle will rear its ugly head again later), but I know deep down that no matter what happens, no matter what feelings of stress or worry or bitterness I may be working to overcome, my life will mean something and it will turn out better than I could ever imagine. Because I have a God who cares enough to let me go through the hard times so that I will learn to love and appreciate Him even more. I know that even though it hurts Him to see my doubts and to watch over me in my struggles, He does it anyway with outstretched arms always ready to cover me in His comfort whenever I ask Him.


   Matthew 8:26 says, "Jesus replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves,  and it was completely calm." Even though this story is about Jesus calming an actual storm, He also calms the storms of worry in our lives. Just like the disciples, I have been living like one "of little faith" lately in the way that I've been stressing about the things I can't control. But I need to drop "what if" and start saying "When God." Instead of saying "What if I can't decide on a career?", I should be saying, "I'll decide on my career when God leads me in the right direction." Because unlike me, God can see my future. He knows what choices I will have to make and what the outcome of my decisions will be. And best of all, He's on my side. He wants what's best for me, and for everyone, and if we're willing to ask then He will always give us loving comfort and sound advice. So if you're like me and you've been a little stressed out lately, slow down and remind yourself that God is always there to help you through the hard times. He loves you, and He understands that life isn't going to be easy. But if you live today for the One who can see your tomorrow, then one way or another things will start to work out. I'm writing this not just for you, but as a reminder to myself. The next time I'm having a "diva moment", I'm going to stop and ask God to rebuke the winds and waves of worry in my life. Because the waters may be rough, but I've got a God who can smooth over the roughest of seas with only a touch of His hand.