Failed plans, fears, frustrations. Sometimes I work and I work, and it seems that nothing is going my way. So I work a little harder, and success finally shows itself. I am fulfilled; everything is finally happening the way I've envisioned it and my own selfish sense of justice seems to prevail. But the joy is only temporary; the next obstacle comes and the thrill of approval goes away as quickly as it came. Before I even realize what's happening, I'm right back where I've started. Though it rarely fully shows itself, and there are only small hints of a change here and there, I've stopped. My heart is bitter, my mind is listless and distracted, and the fire inside me is quenched out. To the outside world, I am the same happy, confident person I've always been, but even though I can forget my frustrations for a while, they are always under the surface, waiting to catch me in my weakness. The change is gradual, but more and more, I find myself giving up the fight and saying, "What's the point?"
There's a parable in the Bible about sowing seeds. In this story Jesus told about his impact on our lives by putting it into terms the people around him would understand. He told of a farmer who scatters seeds. Some fall to the road side and are choked out by weeds and trampled by the feet of those who travel there; they never grow and are essentially a waste. Others land in rocky soil; it looks like a good situation from the outside, and the plants quickly start to grow. But because of the rocks underneath, the roots are weak and the harvest is scarce. The rest of the seeds are planted in good rich soil, soft to the touch and healthy throughout. The soil has been prepared in advance and will bear the fruit of the farmer's labor. Now anyone who has heard this story before knows that the farmer is Jesus and the seeds are the Word of God. Jesus made himself very clear, even taking the time to explain the story again to the disciples so that all would understand the point he was trying to make. We also know that the different types of soil represent the hearers of the Word. Now I don't know about you, but every time I've heard this story, I've just assumed that I was the good soil. I've been saved for most of my life, and I've never really doubted God's existence or turned from the faith. But personal experience has lately been teaching me that all is not what is seems.
If you are already saved, take a moment to think about the way you live each day, and how that affects your Christian walk. And don't just recall the "big sins" you're not committing. Remember every negative thought, every spiteful action, that you've committed in just the last week or so. Feeling guilty, am I right? Well, don't worry, I am too. I hate to admit it, but recently I've fallen victim to the old "what's-the-point" attitude. Certain things that I was expecting haven't really worked out in my favor lately, and from my one-dimensional point of view, my plans for the future have started to unravel just a little more than I'd been expecting at this point in my life. And even though blessings have been falling in my lap since the moment that "my plans" fell apart, I have completely ignored them and focused only on the fact that I'm having to make changes. On the surface, I've kept it together pretty well, and there is evidence of growth in my life. But underneath the soil I've moved around God's seeds and planted a few of my own. I've begrudgingly tossed in a few seeds of bitterness, disappointment, and self-entitlement, thinking I could keep them buried in my heart and let them fester a little while without really taking root. But of course, you can't plant a seed without expecting it to grow, and I've seen the seeds start to manifest themselves into some pretty ugly weeds. Instead of the world's influence, I've been subjected to my own bad attitude, and I've found that it can be just as bad as if someone else were trampling and throwing rocks at my good plants. And if I don't do the necessary weeding and pruning of myself by reading God's Word, then soon my garden is going to look just like all the other ones that don't have God's touch of life in them. If you're reading this and you see yourself, remember that every plot of land left to its own devices will grow wild with no one to keep it in check. The condition of your soil is the condition of your soul, and that's why you have to depend on the Farmer to pull out your weeds and support your wilted plants. By taking instruction from God and working to better our own lives, we will become stronger and healthier in the process. Because just like no one knows more about the land than the farmer who tends it, no one knows more about us than the Father who created us.
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