Jesus Loves ME!

    I am an individual. And Jesus loves ME! Last night I was reminded of this, and it gave me such joy that I realized how much I'd forgotten it lately. Maybe it's because I've been busy. Or perhaps it's because I'm a twin and part of me will always think of myself as one of a unit. But when my youth pastor said this during Bible study, it struck me that I don't often think of myself in that way. I mean, I know Jesus loves me, and that He died for me. I've said all the lines of a good Christian and truly felt them in my heart. But I think sometimes the individuality of my relationship with God gets lost in translation, unable to find its way on the confusing and often harrowing path from my brain to my heart.

  Ever since I was a child, I have always had an innate desire to stand out from the crowd, to be one-of-a-kind in whatever way I could. Now, as I'm sure you could probably guess, this resulted in some very unusual and uncomfortable circumstances. But I took them in stride, knowing that they were just part of who I was, and who I had chosen to be. I was comfortable being different from other girls my age, and (with the exception of the awkward middle school years) I never doubted who I was, or why God put me here. I knew then, and I know now, that I was created to have a heart for others and a mission to show them the best in themselves, the unlocked potential I see every day that's just waiting to come out. And I think that, as much as I want to reflect to others how special they are, I often forget to turn the mirror around on myself. I have many times looked at myself and seen only negative things, and because of that I tend to shy away from introspection. I tell myself that I'm fine, that as long as everything is good and happy and wonderful on the surface, I don't have to focus on what I wish I could change about myself. A large portion of my time is spent sending out the message, "I'm confident in who I am and you should be, too," when really I don't have any answers as to why we all feel insecure sometimes. And even though I love the gift of a heart for people that God has given me, I sometimes use it as a crutch, throwing myself into my mission without ever stepping back to say, "What is good about me, as an individual?" I know you may be thinking, "How is that a problem, wanting to put other people first?" But I can't effectively do that unless I become accustomed to letting my vulnerability show so that I can "practice what I preach." Writing is a way for me to do this, a quiet place where I sort through my jumbled thoughts to say what I really mean, where I have a backspace button to undo any mistakes. But life doesn't come with a backspace button, and if I want to successfully do what God has planned for me, I have to be willing to say, "I don't like what I see, either. But you know what? I think we've both been looking in the wrong mirror."

  As I have searched for who I am, I've wanted so badly to see an individual, to know that there is something special about me, about why God wanted to spend any time on "only me." But while I've tried to get other people to see their potential, the work I've done on myself has fallen short. Because deep down, the sin in my life will always make me look at who I am through the world's eyes. Instead of the grace of a Savior, I've been looking at the rough edges of a girl who is incomplete on her own. And instead of viewing myself in the Mirror of Mercy, I've been straining for an image in broken glass. We are all our own people, one in a million, as numerous as the stars in the sky yet more valuable individually than the sum of every precious thing in the world. God calls us each by name, and even though He has countless children, He will go to the ends of the earth for just one. He wants us to accept His love, to know beyond all doubt that we are chosen to be free, to be forgiven, to be His. So yes, I am an individual, and Jesus loves ME. But as amazing as that is, it's only the beginning.