When Plans Fall Apart: Sick Day--No, Sick YEAR--Musings on God's Timing

As a recent college grad, I tend to think of stretches of time as semesters with finals weeks acting as mile markers. As you may have guessed, my last little stretch from December finals to May finals was an eventful one, and not just because of the whole global shutdown thing. You may not be able to tell just by looking at me, but in that stretch of time, I’ve become not just a college graduate, but also a medical marvel of sorts. First it was the terrible kidney infection, which came just in time for my school’s Christmas choir performances and finals week. Then I found out I had three kidney stones at once, which resulted in a surgery in January after a very rough month. February through March brought back problems and physical therapy, and mid-March to the end of May was a barrage of medical tests for constant joint pain followed by a diagnosis of severe tendonitis in both arms that required painful injections. And now, because life doesn’t really unfold in semesters and graduation wasn’t the magic cure-all, I have yet another bad kidney infection and a stone that’s lurking around in my left kidney. Now, I’m not saying all this to complain. In fact, self-deprecating jokes about my body falling apart and the year 2020 being determined to strike me down is more my style… However, I do want to share two lessons that I feel like God has taught me in this, the hardest and, hopefully (since I’m getting married in a little over a month), the best year of my life.

1. Timing is everything. If there’s one thing I know for sure from experiencing so many back-to-back medical problems, it’s that timing can be pretty cruel. It can get kind of tricky “rolling with the punches” when every time you start to recover from one punch, another one takes you out. But, following the theme of thinking in terms of dates and semesters, there’s one date that will always come to mind when I’m questioning the timing of both good and bad things in my life: June 13, 2020. This was supposed to be my original wedding date, but, amid COVID-19 concerns and personal health problems, we decided to push it back to July 18th. At first, I was disappointed that things weren’t going as planned. That is, until two days before the wedding when I was in the ER getting IV pain and nausea meds and CT scans. Fast forward to June 13th, and I was still feeling so terrible that it would have made for a miserable wedding day. Two months or so ago when we decided to change the date, I couldn’t possibly have predicted that June 13th and the week leading up to it would be what it was (although maybe I should have guessed based on my current track record). Being sick yet again is not fun, but it’s one of those things that was inevitable. But God knew ahead of time what would happen and went before me to work things out so that I could (fingers crossed!) enjoy my wedding day instead of just surviving it.

2. Timing is nothing. I know, this seems a bit contradictory to lesson number one. However, when before I was talking about God’s timing and how He works things out for us even out of our bad situations, right now I’m talking about the world’s timing. If you’d asked me what I’d be doing right now exactly one year ago, I’d have said that I would have just finished another amazing, totally normal semester at BSC and be starting a job that was already lined up for me upon graduation. I’d also remember the date and say, “Oh, and I’d be on my honeymoon!” Well, with the craziness both in my own life and on a global scale, that’s just not what came to be. Now, it would be easy to ask God why He let my world fall apart, and I know this because I have. But recently, I’ve really come to understand that it’s not God’s job to prevent all bad things from happening to me. Life is hard, but He’s the one who makes it better. Sometimes that means taking the problems away, and sometimes that means giving me a peaceful, positive spirit and showing me how to help others so my own situation doesn’t take my focus away from what really matters. If we live our lives knowing that sometimes we just have to trust in God’s timing even when it seems scary, and confusing, and even impossible, then our personal mile markers of success fade away in favor of peace and contentment in wherever God has placed us.

     I’m not really sure how to end this (you’ll have to make allowances for the sickly here😊), but if you’re struggling with life at the moment, I want you to know that you aren’t defined by your lists of successes and failures just like I’m not defined by my... well, admittedly impressive list of ailments from these past seven months. A Bible verse that has really helped me out in this time is Proverbs 16:9, which says, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.” 2020 has been a tough year for just about everyone, but let us all step forward in confidence that our plans that have fallen apart will eventually give way to something much better than we could have imagined.

Affirmed by Christ: Thoughts on Luke 10

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

In Luke Chapter 10, we read about these sisters, Martha and Mary, who Jesus came to visit while traveling with his disciples. Now take a minute and think about what you would do if Jesus came to your home? What would you do to prepare? If you’re like me, you’re probably thinking of all the things you would need to clean, including the mountain of clothes strewn all over your room. That makes perfect sense that we want to bring our best to Christ. But what does bringing your best look like? Martha is rushing about trying to make everything perfect for Jesus while Mary simply sits at His feet. Now Martha is obviously irritated at this point. I mean come on; she’s preparing everything. She’s trying her best to present her best. What is Mary doing? Sitting there. I’ve read this story multiple times and almost every time I have, I right off the bat side with Martha. I relate to her emotions. I relate to her striving. Why would it be okay for Mary to sit with Jesus when Martha is working to please Jesus?

I don’t think I fully understood Martha as a woman until I experienced those emotions we see in this story. I don’t think Martha was just trying to please Jesus, I think she was trying to please Martha by relying on who Martha is rather than who Jesus is. I really struggle when I have nothing to do. Today is the first day I’ve stopped to consider why that’s so. Behind every action we take there is a motive. Have you ever stopped to think what the thoughts behind your actions are? As I sat lost in thought today feeling out of place with nothing to do, it dawned on me why uncertainty always seems to find me in these moments—I find not only my passion, but my purpose and worth in what I do. I seek contentment and completeness in activities, other’s opinions of me, my abilities, what I bring to the table. This is what Martha does. She literally invites Jesus to her table instead of doing as Mary did and going to sit at Jesus’ feet. Y’all, that is for real not the way to be thinking!! I need to be looking at what God brings to the table! I need to be sitting at the feet of Christ, seeking his wisdom. Because on my own, I will always fall short of expectations. I will always be discontent with simply me. Those bad fruits like envy, self-pity, and worry will rule in my heart and mind when I find my significance in who I am. But when I allow God to do what He does best—reign as eternal King of my thoughts and life—my emotions will not have that control over me. I won’t compare myself to others so much and I won’t go through the week with such highs and lows but will rather stay firmly grounded on the most stable and faithful rock, my Lord Jesus.

 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I am a firm believer that names have deep meaning in our lives, so I was curious what the name Martha meant. The name Martha is an Aramaic baby name that means “lady.” The word lady comes from the Old English word hlǣfdige which, according to trusty google, is a lady who has authority or who wins the devotion of a lover. Y’all, the name “lady” is much more than simply a hostess. It’s a name commanding confidence and respect. It’s a name that implies uniqueness in the ordinary. This may be stretching things a bit, but when Jesus says, “Martha, Martha,” it’s kind of like he’s reminding her who she is, truly is anyways. That Martha is an exceptional and assured individual because, the Martha he created is worth more than what she can do or what she brings to the table. She is confident in who her creator is, she finds her value in who He is, and she puts him as her top priority. Jesus is reminding Martha of what is eternal and who she was created to be. He is reminding her that it must be Jesus over everything for Martha to ever feel whole—not only does he demand it, but he deserves it.

Infinite and perfect in all His ways. he will overshadow our small offerings with himself if we only allow him to. Don’t let self-seeking keep you from pursuing Christ whole-heartedly and loving others and him as you are called. It’s a day by day thing. It’s waking up and deciding to pursue the one who has already declared his devotion and love for you in his word. Chase Jesus, find who you are in who he has affirmed you to be—his child forever and ever. 

-Heather

Devotion Series: Worth the Wait

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.”

Psalm 62:5

So much of life is about waiting. Waiting to graduate, waiting for that special someone, waiting for test results, waiting for the dream job. We wait, twiddling our thumbs, heaving heavy sighs, and fretting inwardly in frustration. We ask ourselves why we’ve got to live this way. Why doesn’t God just come through already? Sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers in our timing and that isn’t always easy for us to understand.  Luke 1 tells us of a man who experienced this very situation. Zechariah, a priest whom the angel Gabriel appeared to, was given the news that his wife Elizabeth was going to bear a son in her old age. Zechariah had prayed to God for years asking Him for a child and because of this he struggled with Gabriel’s message. Still, even with Zechariah’s doubting, God answered his prayer in His perfect timing. God’s memory is perfect. He remembers our prayers. He never forgets them and may move in response long after we first bring our requests to Him. Sometimes His answer is “no”, but other times it is “wait”—and His response is always given and measured with love. Zechariah learned this. He prayed earnestly to God for a son and God gave him even more. His son John would grow up to be the very prophet who would announce the arrival of the Messiah, Jesus.  Oh, dear friend! He is doing so much more than you know! His plans are greater than our plans and His desires for us are so much better, so much more fulfilling than anything we could ever conjure up ourselves. Waiting is one of the best teachers. In it we learn the virtue of patience and develop endurance. We learn to trust God’s love and goodness for what it is, not some airy far off kind of love, but a close and intimate love that sees us for who we are and yet calls us with arms wide open, “Come to me and trust what I have in store.” Waiting doesn’t have to be dreary and depressing. In the waiting we can rejoice, relying on His faithfulness and knowing that His ways are higher than ours. Zechariah’s experience demonstrates this truth and encourages us to pray. God’s timing is rarely in line with our own, but it is always worth waiting for.   

-Heather 

Freely Give: The Struggles of Being a Cheerful Giver

“Freely you have received; freely give.” Matthew 10:8

I don’t know about you, but I struggle with giving of myself. Mentally and emotionally, giving can be draining. I struggle to give a listening ear to others when I’m dealing with a burden of my own. I struggle to give of my time when I feel overworked and stressed. I struggle to extend kindness and love to those who have hurt me. I asked myself why I wrestle with this, why something so beautifully explained and lived by Jesus could be so difficult. Mark 12 tells us of a poor widow who comes to the temple to make an offering. Many rich people throw in large sums of money, but she only puts in two small coins. Jesus then calls His disciples and says, 

“Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” Mark 12:43 (NIV)

From this story we learn the God sees what man overlooks, even the smallest offering. No one else took notice of the widow, but Jesus did and He commended her for her willingness to give. Although the portion she gave was inadequate in the world’s eyes, she gave in faith, believing that God could use it. Those two coins were a true sacrifice and give us a glimpse of a heart that genuinely sought to surrender everything to God. And we don’t even know her name. That’s giving freely. That’s resting in the unlimited resources of our Maker. 

I think that’s why I struggle at times. I’m not resting in God’s resources. We are nourished by the precious truth of who we are in Christ. As His children, He fills us with those resources! He supplies us with His mercy, love, patience, wisdom, and truth. From this sacred place, we can freely give to others without fear of falling of becoming empty. Jesus makes us whole! We overflow because He never stops giving to us! We can give of our time, our resources, our hearts. We can love others hard, knowing that Christ is the source of all that we need. When people fall short, when things go wrong, when we have a bad day, we can turn our eyes to Jesus and He will fill us up again.

Father, I pray that each day I would be filled with You and that I would give from Your strength, rather than my own. Let your love shine through me. May I be a cheerful giver. You are faithful to take care of me.

-Heather Grace

"Hope and a Future"

    "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." If you are a Christian or even someone who is around Christians a lot, chances are you have received a card for some big event in your life that has Jeremiah 29:11 written on it. Whether it be a graduation, wedding, or any other life changing time of celebration, we Christians are always quick to bring out this verse. In the good and exciting times, this message is a wonderful reminder that God is taking care of us and making our paths straight. But in the hard times, it just doesn't seem to cut it. Sometimes, we look around at our lives and we ask, "Why did you let it happen this way, God? What about those plans to prosper me? What about that 'hope and a future' you promised?"
     Recently I came into one of these hard times. On Sunday, February 4th, I lost my uncle very unexpectedly. I was in a state of grief and shock, and to make matters worse, the next day was the start of a new semester of school. Life kept moving on and I had to grit my teeth and move on with it. I had to be okay, to continue living like nothing had happened, and for the first few days, I kept it together pretty well. But that Thursday of his memorial service, I couldn't save my tears for the shower anymore. It was a beautiful service filled with the promise of heaven, but part of me couldn't help wondering why things had happened the way they did. In the midst of my grief, I saw nothing but harm in the situation. I felt empty inside, like all my hope was just a tiny speck at the end of a tunnel of darkness. And most of all, I couldn't help but wonder why my uncle wasn't going to be a part of my future. But in these last few weeks, I have been reminded by God that the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 is one that exceeds the here and now. One that is eternal.
     I think that many non-believers and struggling Christians alike think of Jeremiah 29:11 as one of the great stock phrases of Christianity. It is popular, easy to remember, and makes you feel good when the timing is right. But when it isn't, it almost loses its meaning for us. This can happen sometimes because we think of it as a stand-alone statement when really it is only a small part of a much bigger story. At the time the book of Jeremiah was written, the people of Israel were suffering under Babylonian captivity and the prophet Jeremiah was writing to encourage them to take heart in their time of despair. Instead of singling out verse 11, we can see God's true promise for His people (us included) by reading verses 10-14:

“Thus says the Lord: ‘When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.’”

     As you can see, God is not promising here for us to have happiness and prosperity on earth. He does want us to be happy and prosperous, as that was His original plan for us before the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. But a day is coming when His true plan will be complete. A day when the Lord will come back and gather His children from every corner of the Earth and restore them to their heavenly home. Sin separated us, and just like in Babylon, we have suffered in our exile. We do not have a timeline of seventy years like the Israelites did, but we know that God’s plan is in action because phase one--sending His Son Jesus to overcome death and the grave and save us from our sins--is already complete. If we want to see the promise of God fulfilled, we have to look past our present troubles, acknowledging our sin and calling upon Him to save us because, as the verse said, He will hear us and let us find Him in our seeking. In this difficult time, I know that God's perfect will was satisfied when He called my uncle Danny home because even though it has caused mourning for the family that he has left behind, he is now experiencing the fulfillment of God's presence. A future in heaven is stretched before him, each moment more glorious than the last. He is in perfect condition, at perfect peace in the Father’s arms. Instead of expecting God to bless us with humanity’s version of a good and successful life, we as Christians must strive to be satisfied in whatever our situations may be because every passing day is one step closer to our restoration. Even as tragedy comes and the comforts of this world all fade away, God has given us a hope of salvation and a future that reaches to all of eternity.

-Hope